- we are no longer alone.
- not everyday will be wonderful. it's okay!
- fake it till you make it...act the way you want to feel and you will begin to feel that way.
- enjoy this day sober.
- we will know a new freedom and a new happiness.
- we have got to do the footwork...one day at a time.
- poor me...poor me...pour me a drink?
- you can control 'it' and control 'it' and then at some point 'it' will control you.
- practice saying 'oooohhhhhh'...you don't have to respond or react to everything.
- if someone says 'i liked you better when you were drinking', say...'i liked you better when i was drinking too!'
- it's okay to be selfish in new sobriety. we are like a newborn. we need to be taken care of. it takes time.
- work as hard in recovery as you did in your addiction.
- stay in the moment.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
although it feels like a rollercoaster now...life will calm down!
the following are a few things i heard at a meeting today. please share what ever comments you might have.
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Thank you for starting such an important blog...Not drinking...where do I begin? I guess I begin when I took that first drink at age 16. I will never forget the stinging as it hit my tongue...or the gagging I did...just to keep it down my throat...really not so good. But all of a sudden it was there...the calmness of my mind, the melting away of all that was evil and painful. This would be me...and what I sought time and time and time again for the next 34 years. How to live without it you say...every day as if it were a brand new day. Just as a new baby comes into this world, needing help from others for it's survival, so do I, if I am to survive. Never in my wildest dreams would I have believed that I, who could conquer all, would need the help of others...but here I am...one day at a time...not alone but with others who with me will take that first step together. Thanks for being here.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for starting this blog. I will be visiting every day. I love the part about everyday not being wonderful, and that's ok. I know one of the main reasons I drink is that things go wrong that I can't control--my husband makes a thoughtless comment, the kids are being ornery, and on and on and that glass (or five) of wine blur the edges and numb me to all of that. I have just decided that I don't want to be numb anymore. I'm going to feel it all and it's ok if it's not always great. And, if I am short-tempered or not as patient as I am with a few in me, so be it.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to hearing from others!
serenity = reatlity = inner peace and strength.
ReplyDeleteMost of us chased an elusive thing called serenity for years. We thought our journeys outside reality brought us peace and serenity. When we returned to reality we found harshness and pain that caused us to run back to using. So it went, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year. Run, escape, pain; run, escape, pain.
Then something happened. Our addiction wouldn't let us escape anymore. We no longer found what we were seeking. We tried using more heavily. Finally, all that was left of our lives was the pain.
Reality is not a problem. Trying to escape reality is a problem. When we continue to turn our wills and lives over to a Power greater than ourselves, the serenity that results creates a reality of inner peace and strength.
something to think about. i found this in some of my literature. let's talk about dealing with reality. how do we let go and accept the irritability that creeps up each day in our lives without picking up? how do we surrender?
I have the feeling that I will be using the "I liked you better when I was drinking too" A LOT!!! That is hilarious. I will be starting down this path on Friday - I have a fear that trying to do this before NYE would be setting myself up for failure and to be honest, I just want this self loathing feeling to stop. I'm highly functioning with my alcohol. I confessed my issue and goal to my husband and 14 year old son yesterday and they were really surprised that my situation is what it is. I figured that admitting it to them would make me finally hold true to the promise to myself that I have made for years and never followed through on. I'm not going to advertise it to my friends, but I can tell you that they will not quite to what to do without "Drunk ***" around. Yeh - that's my nickname from a few of my antics - not very flattering and a bit embarrassing when someone yells that at me with my son around. If I can be entertaining all day at work without alcohol I should be able to be the same way at night. I'm just looking forward to shopping after dark without running home to pour that drink and "catch up" with where I would be if I had been home the whole time. It is a slippery slope and I slide right by the stopping point every time. I'm 41 - an adult making not very wise adult decisions - 2010 will find me putting on my girl panties and dealing with it!!!
ReplyDeleteI look forward to reading more here and on the other sites I have found to gather as much support as I am going to need now.
Good luck to all of us!!!
so me...i am off to a meeting. i will share more when i return.
ReplyDeleteI'm with all of you on this journey to a new chapter in my life without the "crutch" and just overall bad habit that wine became in my life.
ReplyDeleteFor comic relief- did any one else notice that you still do really stupid things when you aren't drinking??
I just realized that I had my pants on backwards all day (stretch pants if that makes it any better)
I lose my keys just as much
I forget what I just ran upstairs for..
just makes me smile sometimes because I have no excuse now !
Christine
i think i drive slower now more than ever...maybe because i don't get so agitated rushing home for "my wine".
ReplyDeletei wish i had some funny things to share. wearing your pants backwards is hilarious. i'm sorta still stuck on the pity pot. so that's the lift i needed to get me through this moment. thanks christine.
self loathing will slip away when you make a decision to not pick up. it's dealing with life on life's terms that is the most difficult part for me.
ReplyDeletei heard at a meeting today..'quitting drinking sets you free. reinvent yourself! we need to learn to live a sober life. it isn't easy growing up. early sobriety sucks...sometimes. this too shall pass. keep going to meetings, work the steps, work with a sponser and pray.'
I am grateful for this place to share - am trying to let go of wine as a crutch. It has been a daily habit, and I go so quickly from 1-3 or 4. I have been aware of this as a problem for years - finally feel ready to live a sober life. Last night was hard, but just knowing there are others out therel. I hear my own internal dialogue in all your commments -
ReplyDeleteNew Year's Eve marks the end of one year and the beginning of another. In the old days of our using, we used this day as an excuse to drink. We did not really think about honoring the year that was ending or about welcoming the new year.
ReplyDeleteSome recovering folks spend this evening with their families, playing games, watching videos, and sharing plans for the coming year. Other recovering folks invite recovering friends over for supper or go to a special Twelve Step meeting or a sober dance. Some attend special religious services, perhaps at a church, synagogue, mosque, or sweat lodge.
The ending of the year is an important occasion to celebrate. We are alive, and we are on the path of recovery. It has been an important year!
Prayer for the Day
Higher Power thanks for the good things that have happened this year. Help me stay sober so that I can live the coming year in Your love and protection.
Today's Action
I will use this night to honor the changes in my life. I will list ten good or important things that have happened this year. I will find time to talk about them with someone tonight as I celebrate. I will remember to have fun, to be sober, and to be safe.
anon 6:42...we are here for you.
ReplyDeletequery - I thought this site would also be a place for those that wanted to talk about drinking or cutting down, as well, but this feels more like an AA site. I don't care either way, but I guess I thought it wouldn't just be limited to those that quit entirely...
ReplyDeleteI've cut down a lot in the last two nights and feel really good. I had one glass last night (instead of 2 or 3) and am feeling pretty proud of myself because I was able to enjoy it and not overdo it... is this the sort of stuff that's welcome here, though?
your comments are most welcome. people have all kinds of struggles. some want help that the meetings can offer but can't or are not ready to attend a meeting. i find the info from the meetings helpful.
ReplyDeleteAnon 10:46, I am right there with you! Like Anon 6:42, I have had an almost every night wine habit for years--most of the time sneaking wine and going well beyond 1-2 glasses to the point where I was drinking a bottle or more every night. I would actually go to the store every day and buy exactly one bottle of wine so that was all I would drink. (I don't like hard liquor or beer.) That was a lot of work!
ReplyDeleteI know I have a problem, but I believe the problem is me--not alcohol, as I have overdone food, dieting, exercise, work, you name it. My hope is that I can work on me and heal whatever it is that makes me want to numb out, using whatever means substances/obsessions available. (I am hoping to find a good therapist in the new year, plus books, meditation, etc.)
That said, my goal is not abstinence, but moderation. Since my real problem is drinking by myself at night (even when other people are around, I am drinking by myself) I have decided to give that up completely (for now anyway). But I will continue to share a bottle of wine with my husband at dinner (once every week or so max--he is not much of a drinker) or with other people at dinner.
So, even though I have not had wine for three days (Yay, this is HUGE for me!) we are having people over for dinner tonight and I will have wine with dinner and maybe champagne at midnight. I have set a limit for myself and I will see if I can stick to it. I'm experimenting, taking baby steps.
I will say that the past three days have been REALLY hard, but I can see the benefits already. I have kept myself busy and out with other people (shopping, movies, etc.) during the witching hours of 4-8 (for me), and that has helped enormously. The time that's been especially hard this week is early afternoons when I get bugged by something, get really anxious, and think, "Oh, just one little glass of chardonnay would take away these rough edges...," but so far, I have resisted. The best thing is that I have been way more "present" with my kids in the evenings, which has been great. A little more snapish with my husband, but hopefully that will even out. On the whole, I can see that this will be a good move if I can keep it up.
As for one glass of wine a night, congrats to you! If you were used to drinking 2-3 or more and can stick to one glass, that is fantastic! I would actually love to get back to the place where I could have ONE nice glass of chardonnay and chill out, but that will take some time and space.
Anyway, I'm checking in everyday and I hope you will continue to check in and leave comments, too. I want to be accountable, but I don't want to go to meetings and I think this blog space will be a lifeline for me.
xo,
Susan
my struggle is 4-8 too. i go to meetings...however, when i cannot go these sites are my lifeline to get me through the day. i am already having a difficult time with it today. this is my first new year sober. i am hoping for inspiration.
ReplyDeleteAnon, 11:55, what time is it where you are and what's going on?
ReplyDeleteit is 12:23. michigan. i found a meeting and am going to go to it. it begins at 1:00.
ReplyDeleteThat's great! Please check in after the meeting and let us know how it went.
ReplyDeleteSusan, thanks for your support and I'm right there with ya. I've never gotten up to a bottle, but we are all different and I am just keeping an eye on something that I don't want to get out of control. For me, it was more like a glass at 9pm and then a glass at 10pm, which isn't a ton but still left me feeling a little "off" in the mornings, and it's that "off-ness" that I don't like anymore. I also don't want all of the drama that goes along with feeling like something is beyond your control, so I'd rather cut back now before there is no drama. Does that make sense? So the last couple of nights I've just had one - I thought it would be hard but it wasn't; I thought I'd want more but I haven't, and yet I'm still really enjoying that one glass. I'm not sure if that's "OK" or not, but I guess this is what it's about, figuring out what is OK for each of us in our lives - what you can still enjoy but what doesn't interfere.
ReplyDeleteI guess that's why I was concerned if it was ok to talk about moderate drinking here. The last thing I'd want is to tempt others or put something out there that they really didn't need to hear as they struggled to stay completely sober.
Glad I'm not alone! Stay strong tonight with your limits, and I promise to do the same.
meeting was great. i met another new mom...that made me feel like i wasn't so alone. i learned...this too shall pass...it will be okay...drinking will not solve anything...concentrate on doing the next right thing...it will get better if we make it better...and, the worst place to be is in my own mind. so, i will try and focus on the kids. happy new year!
ReplyDeleteStef apparently opened up a yahoo group, too, but you have to join and disclose your email address, which I'm not a big fan of. As much as I adore her, I think I'll stay here and hang with you peeps if that's ok...
ReplyDeleteawesome…i sure hope stef continues to dedicate friday’s to us. i think she is amazingly funny and her friday's have encouraged me a lot. as for me...i will be here all night with hope to bring in the new year sober. today marks my 103rd day not picking up. this day was much harder to go through than christmas. however, i decided to have our traditional new year’s eve party as in the past. this is huge for me because all i truly wanted to do is crawl under my sheets and have my husband take care of the night. we will celebrate with lots of orderves...shrimp cocktail, cheese and crackers, olives…and lots of other yummy delights. for dessert…warm apple pie and vanilla ice cream drenched with walnuts and chocolate syrup. my kids are so happy. we are bringing in the new year with sparkling vernors too. somehow, I managed (after attending a meeting and balling my eyes out…couldn’t tell you why really) to soak my girls feet in deep sea salts and after our party begins we will play cards. i heard at the meeting today that if you don’t want to do something and you know you should be doing it…you probably should do it…help others and i will get out of myself…do the next right thing…what is that? for tonight…under the full moon…I will attempt to do just that…think about my family’s happiness and not too much about missing the liquid courage. wishing you all much joy for this day! thanks for being here. i cannot tell you how much this is helping me bring in the new year a few moments at a time! cheerio.
ReplyDeleteFunny, I don't miss the alchol right now...but the comradarie of my drinking friends. Life seems a bit boring. Now that I'm not drinking...4 months to be exact, I get less and less phone calls. I decided to watch my niece's 8 month old baby tonight...she went to bed at 8:30...now what to do...kinda sucks to ring in the new year alone...thank goodness for the blogs.
ReplyDelete"if someone says 'i liked you better when you were drinking', say...'i liked you better when i was drinking too!' " I LOVE THIS!
ReplyDeleteI heard this at a meeting a while back, and I liked it: "What other people think of me is none of my business."
Great blog - it is so important for us to pull together to offer support. Meetings saved my life, for sure, but I can't always get to one with two young kids at home and a crazy schedule. I'm always grateful to find someplace to go, like here, where people get it.
Thank you!
ellie...i am so glad you found us. i am a bit nervous to go on stef site. you have such great advice. i was wondering if you could help me with my sadness issue. i'm three months sober and still miss 'my wine'. my husband thinks everything should be better already. to tell you the truth, i think i should feel better by now too. the only time i feel okay is when i am at a meeting or in bed. i still do not want to cook or clean. i used to be a good cook and a cleaning maniac. now i am just waiting for a miracle to get out of this funk i am in. my husband says the meetings got me to stop drinking...i have to change my life for the better now. he says it's all in my attitude. this is so not easy. any advice would be greatly appreciated.
ReplyDeleteThanks to those who keep coming to this site - I have concerns about yahoo groups, but have found this to be helpful in this early sobriety (20 days), I finally made it to a meeting last w/e, but it is a challenge with work and family. I would love to know that others will still check in here - support for any changes we are making (I have cut down in the past, and had one sober summer - but for me, can't go back to just one, because it doesn't stop there. To Anon 10:32, I was very tired and did not feel well for a month when I quit summer 08; my sister said this is normal, but if it keeps going on you might want to check in with someone. There can be underlying issues or conditions that can't just be fixed by talking or attitude changes. We have alot of depression/ADD/anxiety in our family..if symptoms continue 4-6 weeks, they may need a little attention. I also made many nutritional changes which have helped. Hope I am not being out of line - I just would not want anyone suffering needlessly. Good luck to all in 2010!
ReplyDeleteanon 5:58. congrats on 20 days. that's awesome. how was the meeting you went to? i am at three and a half months sober. i still feel a bit sad. i will keep going to the meetings as i am told that things will get better and the miracles will happen if i do. it's like i lost my best buddy. i am realizing all the reasons i picked up in my reality. sometimes it's difficult to understand. i will be here everyday with hope for inspiration. you guys are doing great. all the advice is greatly appreciated.
ReplyDeleteanon 7:16, the meeting was great - women only. For me, it helps with the voice that makes me think I can go back to drinking in moderation - I hear others stories - and it makes me more committed to sobriety. I also want to model for my kids that one can live life fully without substances. Three and a half months is huge - I know what you mean about losing a best friend. I have been alone this week w/my kids (husband travels) and have been aware that I do better alone - sometimes I think the wine was a substitute for intimacy. Keep strong -
ReplyDelete